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What I Mean with HAPPY JOSHUA DAY

I love celebrating my family and friends, especially on their birthday. But when it's my turn, there's something that's holding me. I feel sad, lonely, alone, pressured, or I am just completely empty that I couldn't understand.

 

One thing is for sure, I am not happy. And I am overwhelmed with people's attention. This all started when I was a teenager. The first birthday poster I ever created was that one attached above. It was 2018, five years ago.

Every HAPPY JOSHUA DAY is a same-day photo edit, I used to reminisce me. So meaning, HAPPY JOSHUA DAY is not literally a happy day. Behind every birthday poster I create is my depressive thoughts and loneliest time of the year. I force myself to create those because I know some people don't know how to greet me, when I look miserable and emotional on my actual birthday. They can comment and greet me under a poster.


On my 21st Birthday, I went out alone with only around 200 or 300 pesos on my wallet. I stayed in Rizal Park. I wanted to figure things out. I wished to mom and to the universe, I really hope that I could figure things out.


Then, I realized that there are things that I want to have on my birthday since I was young— it's a birthday party.

Little Joshua grew up with his sisters all of his life. He wasn't babied like he should be. He wasn't given enough love and comfort. He is not used to hug and kisses. From elementary to junior high school, he struggled expressing himself, to make friends, and communicate. Luckily, he was surrounded by good people.

Maybe my inner child is asking me to give him this celebration. To invite the people who mattered to him, that he always remember. Even though I live with my nickname now as Seventh, there are people who actually mattered to Joshua. I can provide for myself now somehow but there's still little Joshua that's knocking on my door.

November 2022. Celebrate yourself. So in 2023, we'll do that together.

It's time to give him that present and to let go this heavy feeling every November 23rd of the year. 

Little Joshua, I am giving you your biggest wish so there will be no sad and emotional person behind every HAPPY JOSHUA DAY poster anymore.

And here is your last HAPPY JOSHUA DAY poster, because we will now close this sad chapter and the happiest days are coming— and that will include November 23 now. 

All people that mattered to my young self are coming on November 26th. So thankful and glad that they all remember me, because little Joshua and I always remember them.
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