Last update from here was October 2024, well that's almost the last quarter of 2024 but many things have happened throughout that year that I could say... made me feel alive again somehow.
I have recovered from my recent resignation in ABS-CBN, I was able to earn well again to support myself and my travel to Hong Kong. If I haven't mention this on my past blog, well, I just purchased my dream lens and a vlogging mic--- which both parts of my plans ever since before I enter the corporate world.
November 24 when I had my first international flight in Hong Kong. It's indeed a different world. Everyone was busy, everything feels so modern. I'm a graduate with honors but I feel so dumb there, and thank God I have my sister to save me all the time. Truly, experiences make you better and smarter, most especially when you are at the streets.
Almost everyday we had to join lunch and dinners with Kuya Rex's family and friends. I've tried Thai cuisine from his restaurant Baan Thai, then authentic Chinese foods, Mexican restaurant during my first night there and they surprised me churros and a candle to blow for my 24th Birthday. I think we had some american and Japanese food as well. I traveled to a lot of famous spots like Victoria Harbor, The Peak, LKF, Kennedy Town (which I visited alone), Madame Tussauds, Causeway Bay, and of course, it's a privilege to have fun in Disneyland. One of the main reasons why I went to Hong Kong is to attend and cover Ate Apple and Kuya Rex's HK Wedding. I didn't have a chance to be emotional there because I was so focused on covering everything as their photo/videographer. It's such a nice time as well to meet Kuya Rex's family and friends.
When we came back to Manila, we become busy for holidays and Ate Apple's wedding in PH. And that happened on 29th January this year. I didn't expect myself to be really emotional, I even wrote long message for them during the wedding and once Ate Apple left PH for good. I know, that embarks the start of big changes within our family.
As of this writing, it's already February 14. I thought by this time I already have a job, or busy job hunting. But I don't know, I don't feel like working now, or it's just I can't find what I want. It's not clear in my mind, and it seems to be so blur.
Whenever I look at my family, I badly want to earn enough to spoil them like what Ate Maricel and Ate Apple do. I wanna save up for I can buy a house for us, to expand my business in photography, buy a car, get a condo-- and everything. But this time I feel so pressured and insecure. I feel like in my industry, I won't be able to save enough for the next 5 years to buy a house or even earn from a good paying job. I feel so lost again. I know my family is not pressuring me, but they are exciting for what's next for me, and it's kinda pressuring me.
I'm so afraid and thinking maybe it's the peak of mine, and I'm no longer good and enough to earn at least 25K a month this year. I have a lot of plans. I know these fears and worries just come from my head, I need to find courage and confidence again to express me, and be me. My mind of already composed of many things outside my control-- which is something I hate.
I hope I learn to focus on my present while securing my future and no longer think about the past. I wish I learn to spend my day productively, no more daydreaming about nonsense stuffs like crush, romance, fears about job, things I cannot control and many many things. I hope to find peace and happiness again.
Hoping to have consistent clients in photography even though I'm in a corporate job, I want to save a lot. And I promise to take care of myself more. I feel so weak now.
Lord, please land me to good people to work. I want to have a remote hybrid or WFH job. Please lead me to a phase where I study a lot in graphics and editing so I can strengthen my portfolio and do a very good job in the future. I hope by March I'm earning well again in photography, and I should be working already comfortably. I know that is possible, so I'm hoping for God and the universe to please land me to where They think I belong, to achieve that growth while being happy.
I hope this year will teach me as well to be more giver, less worry about money. I really to save up yes, but I want to spoil the people I love as well. I hope my wishes will align to me someday. For now, I'm still just doing photography sidelines, earning more or less 10K a month which is not enough to save and secure my future and health.
Everything is blurry, my mind is messy. I'm so unproductive, I'm lazy most of the time of a day, I barely talk. I barely have convo with friends, and I don't know what keeps them busy but I hope they are okay.
Please let me find answers, find strength, find courage and confidence... I can't wait to bloom again.
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