I will always be fascinated of how I fell in love so deeply with the same guy after 7 years. And just in case you're wondering, I waited for 7 years to have a picture with him 7 months after I manifested for it this year (2023, as of this writing). And guess what? That's a total of 7 pictures being beside each other all happened in a Sunday.
And there let me say it, I'm the lucky one when that day alone felt mine.
Prologue
End of the dry season of 2016 when I got chickenpox and I wasn't able to attend the first week of my Grade 9 because of it. And I enjoyed that excuse because I always hated attending school, besides I'm not classmates with my first guy crush in high school— Gerald.
After a week I was surprised with new people in a classroom composed of more or less than 40 people. I knew some, but we were not that close. The solid friendship I only experienced was during my freshman year (even though I barely speak, at least I felt belong). Back then, teachers call me out for always being absent, and I promised myself to do better. So while being aware of my possible bisexuality, I decided to set aside it and forget that one decent guy from Grade 8, and move forward with a new life starting Grade 9.
All was good until I saw Barbs. Yes, my barkada, my tropa, my protector, my joker, my literal brother from different parents—Barbs. I used to be crazy over him. If you are our friend reading this, this will sound so cRazY fun fact. I know. But that's true! I fell for his curly eyelashes and his corny jokes. Let's say I liked him for 2 weeks without knowing I am classmates with the ultimate high school crush of our batch, Yce. Yes, that's the name behind the code name 'Seven Years'
*Boogsh!*
First Chapter: I Saw You (more like, I Saw Him, he's not even reading this)
I noticed he was the main subjects of every cringe and long-ass confessions on VMHS Secret Files on Facebook. They all seem creative writing entries, I hope Yce enjoyed reading those because if I was him? I'll be anxious for myself. I was intrigued and I had to agree, that boy is an ultimate smash!
The main point of this: He gave me that moment of flowers blooming inside my stomach.
(This is NOT a creative writing entry for him, just so you know)
He stands around 5'7, he's skinny as hell and his jaws were every girl's everything, he has fair skin, long bangs, and guitar seems to be his life. His voice could be your favorite vibration.
And you know what's great? His ideal type did not exist in our school.
But you know what's even greater? His favorite band is Paramore, which exists in my heart.
Yce and I were kind of close virtually, well at least we have some same close friends inside our class. I am friends with anime people, so he used to come close and sit among my seat mates and chit-chat about anime series I couldn't really relate. And if you ask me how was our personal interaction, our in-person conversations never lasted for a minute, but we used to chat a lot once we get home. I told you we're close friends... virtually (I hope I'm emphasizing that enough)
The number of times he tickled me on my flank is way higher than the words we said to each other personally.
"Paano ka magulat?"
*pokes at my flank*
"Huy!"
"Ganon ka pala magulat!"
Back then he hates late replies and his chats being seen, but he does the exact things. We always talk about academic stuffs and how annoying our classmates were, but I'll never forget when I intentionally did not attend classes to check if he's going to check up on me. Guess what? He asked me why I was absent and why I kept him "Seen at 9:47PM". And watch his head boils over it.
"Seen 10:00PM"
"Hays"
":(("
I loved that.
It was immature, and I liked it. Just some parts of when things felt cute was when he used to include 'po', and 'opo' on his chats as if he's being clingy on me.
There was also a time when he heard my friends from Grade 7 calling me "Master" (they call me that for no reason, actually) That's when he started calling me Master as well (and our common friends who love animes call me Sensei)
Since then, we call each other Master.
My dear Lord, that man knew how to flirt and catch the gays and strengthen his fan-base. I fell for it, and it gave birth to dangerous sweet delusions. The Father? Yce. His name is Yce.
Second Chapter: The (Stupid) Things I Gave You (and you never gave back)
And if you wonder when was the first butterfly feeling? Well, that happened outside our Science classroom (our cool Science teacher was always absent), so the whole class was seating by group of friends outside the room when he leaned on my back. I can literally sense his voice, and I can feel his weight the whole time he was speaking to his friends. It felt so romantic, the butterflies kept moving inside my stomach.
Again, he knows how to make you gay-er.
E. ffort. less. ly.
Months have passed and our school organized a Mr. and Ms. United Nations event, he joined so I joined as well for extra points on our AP subject. He was Mr. France and I was Mr. Spain. And if you could only see him during the pageant day, he looked so good I was about to call him a Romeo when his Dad came looking so proud.
That's something I love for him, he has supportive parents. That was something my Father would never do. He's not that bad, attending a school event for his child is just not his thing (he told us he regrets it now. deserve!)
Yce was the star of that batch of course he won as the People's choice.
Fun fact: The next year, he re-joined the contest as Mr. Spain. He borrowed my costume and only returned some pieces of it. (Hate him!)
Third Chapter: I'm Jealous, and You're Mad?
Before Grade 9 ends, we were tasked to join another contest for the same subject. Unexpectedly, Yce decided to join my group. I still couldn't understand why?! He told me he couldn't join his friends anymore because they already started practicing and he has to contribute in every practice. And mind you, it's very vivid in my brain that he was explaining without looking straight to my eyes!
He is a dancer. And I'm just nothing.
To make that part short, the ultimate high school crush of Class 2018 joined the dancing group of 'Magsasaka' with the weirdest choreography EVER. That was in front of hundreds of students...
Fun Fact: Again, he borrowed a black shirt here and yes, he never returned it (hate him! (2))
The first delusional jealousy? (In tagalog: Nagselos nang walang karapatan) That's when we had a field performance and he was paired with a girl that has a huge crush on him.
But few days after during our MAPEH class, his friends were teasing him so all of a sudden, he sat beside me.
"Puro nalang si Ara!"
He was upset. But deep inside me, that was something I had to celebrate. That girl is sweet and very kind, and if we have something in common: it is the fact that we fell in love with the same man and neither of us ever won.
Gayshit or straight chick, that man's type to pursue did not exist in that school.
It's getting cheesy at this point but these are some of the memories I have with him aside from giving him cakes that I told him I couldn't finish at home, but the reality is it was really meant for him.
Fourth Chapter: Sayonara Chingu
Time went on, and the school break's getting nearer, I was afraid of not seeing him again so I decided to lay low and ignore him. And my fear became a reality, I got promoted to Section 5 with morning schedule, and he stayed in Section 8 with afternoon schedule.
On our very last weeks as Grade 9, that fear made me refuse Yce's invite to go home together after class. I saw him left the room alone and I felt nothing but guilt.
That could've been a chance to own conversations with him for more than a minute.
School break of 2017 when Barbs sent a screenshot on our Grade 9 Groupchat, he sent a screenshot of Yce's comment replying "I love you, too" to a random girl's "I love you" and no, that was not really a random girl, he is his girlfriend.
And that has become one of my biggest heartbreaks. I was young and still couldn't understand, but I felt the world and all pains. It was already a walking news in 2016, that Yce's dating someone. That was the first time I started to avoid him and it's so irritating that I couldn't resist his "Seen 9:47" attitude.
Again, that man knew how to flirt and catch the gays and strengthen his fan-base. I fell for it, and this time, it brought me to danger.
Since then, many things have changed. We transferred schools but we met once in Senior High. Feelings faded and I had a huge crush at one girl during my senior years.
Fifth Chapter: I Saw You (Again) (more like, I Saw Him, he's not even reading this)
And there was a reunion after the peak of pandemic. Barbs is friends with him and Kyla, their friend, they used to play as a band together way back in high school when we were still classmates. So in 2022, we decided to reunite with some Senior high school friends and Barbs invited Yce since he's friends with Kyla. Well, Kyla and attended the same school with me and Barbs during Senior High that's why...
4 years after that only one encounter in 2018, Yce and I met again. Just by seeing him I already knew, I still like him after all those years. I've got a boyfriend at the same year but I know, and I'm sure, the feeling's still there.
After reuniting, we started to have seasonal internet interactions. Just typical close friend's convo and acknowledgements. What made me crAziEr about his actions is when he's always the first one to checkout my Instagram and Facebook stories, he's always the first one to heart react on them back-to-back-back with triple hearts each on Facebook... who wouldn't be cRaZy?
And if he thought I'm not aware of his convo with Barbs, and the comments he left on my posts. Well, I'm so much aware of these:
"Handa akong baldaduhin katawan ko para sa'yo"
"Seventh pa rin pre!"
"Airplane ni Seventh"
I fell so hard I tried to chat him and see if we will have a stable conversation, but no, he did not reply. And if you wonder how many times I tried; I tried it more than seven times.
As someone who has a big crush on him, let me end this chapter by telling him this...
Isa kang malaking pakshet Yce B. Salire. Pakshet ka for driving me crazy over those stupid actions.
Sixth Chapter: I was Drunk, I Called You Crush, and We Saw Each Other One More Time
(more like, I Saw Him Again, he's not even reading this)
This year around August and September, he posted on his Instagram stories that he's open for a song request to play on his electric guitar, so I asked him to play songs for me and he did play Wildest Dreams (Taylor Swift) and Misery Business (Paramore)— through this I thanked him and I called him crush. Finally. I called him crush.
But his response is the reason why this chapter is not even long. His response? Heart react.
But you know, these things are already bothering me. How can I still like him for 7 years? I really want to get over him, and just be friends. Is that because among all my crushes, he's the only one I feel like chasing?
Maybe Yce's just being friendly after all... or playing games?
And it's too obvious now that I like him, does he appreciate that or he's using me as his confidence booster?
It really sucks to like a straight guy, 'no?
Around March this year when I first watched I'm Drunk, I Love You (2017) of Direk JP Habac. Maja's character, Carson, is in love with Paulo's character, Dio, an aspiring filmmaker who also loves to play guitar. Carson and Dio are best friends, but Carson is in love with Dio for 7 years already.
And since I can relate to that, I asked my friends WWE Yna, Kat, and Aly, to go around UP Diliman for a walk and have drinks on The Pop Up Katipunan. I wasn't able to tell them about this story despite being drunk and messed up, but I know that night was deeply emotional. I truly dedicated that to my 7 years of feelings towards Yce. And there's an episode of my vlog dedicated just for it: Seven Years, Seven Drinks
Looking and sounding so stupid but what else could I do? I wanted express my life as we gotta live once!
And maybe the universe know how I wanted to see him again and I was really thinking of the possibilities. I realized how much it meant to me, and as part of the story, I wished to have photos with him and maybe tell him about what I feel... (again?)
I want to have a more than a minute conversation with him. I wanted to know him.
The universe answered my prayer 7 months later.
We now have 7 photos being beside each other. 4 photos from the photobooth, and he got the physical copy. We drank the same cocktails at the same place where I almost cried because of him, The Pop Up!
Just only one thing that didn't happen: We didn't get a chance to talk personally, and I did not feel the need to confess. But I'm glad that all these happened at my birthday celebration. I healed me... somehow.
I felt like we did talk, but through Barbs and Kyla. Our eyes barely meet but I knew he could see and hear me. And I heard some of his story. Maybe, that's enough. We were quiet but I could feel it loud.
It's just so funny to realize that at this point, he always appears in my dreams and somehow, we share a better friendship there than we ever did in real life. But thank God, those dreams always feel so real. At least I get to experience, even for some moments, what it feels like to talk to him, to hang out, and just have fun.
I'm already 23, and I don't have much time now to be crazy over this high school feeling. I must let go along with this simplest closure I could ever have. I'm already thankful.
I realized that his Instagram stories open for a song request is meant for someone he waited to reply.
That the pictures he took during my birthday party was for an update he had to send to his girlfriend.
And calling him my crush and him reacting with a heart already speaks volumes.
Again, that man knew how to flirt and catch the gays and strengthen his fan-base. I fell for it, and this time, I'm letting it go.
Back in Grade 9, we always sat on opposite sides— sometimes facing each other, sometimes side by side, left and right. In 2022, we found ourselves in the same setup again. I was seated at the front-left side of the table while he was at the far end, right side. That arrangement happened once more… for the last time. It may sound just a cliche and coincidence to you but I found a beauty on it for this story to finally conclude, and with him eating a cake, this time a cake that is not meant for him but my birthday cake.
How come he still takes things from me, even when I’m not giving him anything anymore?
❤️
Seventh Chapter: Seven Years, No More Drinks
Thank you, Yce, for doing things effortlessly to make my day and make me inspired to study and do better. You made me cRazY. I love and appreciate your 'heart reacts' while they lasted. I know you know that I like you, and still, thank you for acknowledging it that way. I wish you didn't feel forced to come at my birthday, because I believe you had fun reuniting too with some of our mutual friends.
Thank you for not being mean, but being still kind to me. You are a big part of who I am today. Our eyes barely meet but the way I see you remains the same. And I'll never forget how every time my eyes see you, the sparks fly and you give me all kinds of enchanting feelings (I still hate you for driving me cRazY, be accountable!)
It was 26th of November, I'll never forget that day when you put your arm around me for the first time.
I know you got big dreams and big plans inside you, and it's bigger than a love that you could offer. I'm so proud that you try to support and provide for yourself, that's what courage can do to you, truly. Pressure is normal, what make things feel better is when you see progress in every try.
I'm so excited to see you fly with all those dreams that you have. And I hope there will be a day I hear about you being called Captain. Make your Mom and Dad, and your brother really really proud.
I can't wait for it.
You deserve a love that is soft, that is loud and proud. So be with someone who will support you in everything, that will hold your hands on your sunny and rainy days in sky.
Let's meet again next time, expectedly or unexpectedly. By that time I wish I'm already fine. No more sparks fly, no more enchanting feeling, just our eyes having a normal meeting.
So much love,
Seventh (juswa)
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