When My Body Reminded Me To Rest

I may seem not so busy to other people (even friends) because I am really active in Messenger or any communication platforms. 

But I am actually drown by thoughts, schedules, and deadlines. I just can't let messages unread. My emails and Messenger are open anytime because I shouldn't be overthinking what is the conversation about and sort of.

The main thought: "Finish it now." 

I observed my working style and I saw myself draining my energies just to finish all the works I have to do. I set time and schedule when I do things, and I make sure that myself will not be abused over time.

For example, I will check and export the unedited images from my photography works today, then I will enhance them by tonight or tomorrow. 

Or, I will do my schoolworks today so I can go somewhere tomorrow and just relax. 

These things are just basic self discipline. I also make a to-do list on my Mac for a specific day, and no pressure if I can't finish them all. But well, I fail this thing with my 3D Animation and Math classes because I hate them, haha! Proscastinate asf, tbh! 

Anyways. Even though I set schedules on my pending works, the 'weight' of these activities are not the same. Some need a research, some need a brainstorm, some consumes my creative juices. And sometimes, they all happen in a day and I can't keep myself not thinking about the other tasks I have to do for following days lol.

Can you imagine the weight of doing creative work while doing a writing work that requires a research? To some, it may just be two activities— but I came up to the point that I almost got sick. 

First week of May I had a sudden headache. What I felt is like there was a hand that slowly patted my head to give me a headache. It started on the left side of my head then going right. Then I felt dizzy asf. I continued working but when I started to feel like my eyes are going to puke some nerves out of me, I decided to get out of my Mac and lie down in bed. Bro, by 7PM I felt sick. 

I abused myself, I drained myself. When I thought it's just two activities after all. 

I admit, it's because of stress and pressure. 

Even though I clean my space weekly, my table always seem so messy. That's all because I do many things.

I have here my empty tumbler, my inhaler, a highlighter, and my tablet on the right side. It's already evening when I took this photo, but I usually start to seat in front of this desk by 10AM or 11AM. 

After that incident, I suddenly feel bad about my health. How come I let my body literally tell me to rest? I'm already at this point? 

I compare my load to my friends' workload at school. They attend school at TUP, FEU Tech, PLM and such. And whenever they tell me their schedule and works, I always compare what we do in LPU and tell myself that, "Ahhh. Mine is like a surface level." 

I did not realize that our systems are actually different. I did not check myself if things are suffocating me and draining me. 

This has become a lesson. Not because you manage your work and time, it does mean that you can be productive and manageable all the time. You can be drained, pressured, and tired too. Always know and value the weight of your works. They absorb your capabilities even if it's just a one task. It always depend on their weight. 

Make sure to rest not just your body but your brain. Find some motivation and say, "Hindi naman ako mamamatay rito sa task na 'to!" 

It's a challenge and it will pass eventually. You'll do great if you focus with not so much pressure. Make that as something you'll laugh about and be proud of someday.

Now I know why there are sooooo many days that I feel like I'm malfunctioning. That I'm just staring on my screen for an hour and not doing anything because my brain can't produce something.

Being in a creative field is really something else, 'no? Nakakaubos talaga 'yan siya. 

Kaya, be kind and patient sa sarili mo pre. Ikaw lang kakampi mo hehe. Mwa.