From Seventh

This is a message of thanks! My 2023 is filled of journey and experiences that put me into thousands of emotions and inexpressible feeling. With multiple times of winning moments, and feeling of losing my life at the same time, you were all with me the whole time. This 23rd Birthday celebration is something I dedicate to my young self and those people who stayed with him. You made things convenient and easy with all those personal struggles I had to deal with years back. Joshua wouldn't be this brave without you. This is a personal closure to Joshua who stuck in dreaming and thinking about too many things and people around him. We're too different that it makes me feel suffocated most of the time.  To Combi that joined me in reminiscing the time we were still figuring things out. To my college friends Cioden, and former classmates such Yce, Kyla, Emman, Aaron, and Arvy who made me feel seen, belong, and visible when I try do things right. To Boombooms and BiBos who ...

I love celebrating my family and friends, especially on their birthday. But when it's my turn, there's something that's holding me. I feel sad, lonely, alone, pressured, or I am just completely empty that I couldn't understand.   One thing is for sure, I am not happy. And I am overwhelmed with people's attention. This all started when I was a teenager. The first birthday poster I ever created was that one attached above. It was 2018, five years ago. Every HAPPY JOSHUA DAY is a same-day photo edit, I used to reminisce me. So meaning, HAPPY JOSHUA DAY is not literally a happy day. Behind every birthday poster I create is my depressive thoughts and loneliest time of the year. I force myself to create those because I know some people don't know how to greet me, when I look miserable and emotional on my actual birthday. They can comment and greet me under a poster. On my 21st Birthday, I went out alone with only around 200 or 300 pesos on my w...